In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee, in inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes. How do you measure a year in the life?
How about love?How about love?How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of Love." From the Broadway musical, Rent.
It's a sunny Saturday morning in Edinburgh. I woke up around 7:15am to get in a brisk, long morning run. I was pleased to look out of my bedroom window to find that it was not raining and that the sun was beginning to shine, so I set out. As I ran through the city on the cobblestone streets, up the hills, past the Scottish Parliament building and Palace of Holyroodhouse (where the Queen stays while visiting Edinburgh), and eventually to the base where you can get to Radical Road, I couldn't help but think about where I was. If it weren't for the surrounding buildings and cars, I could have mistaken the area for a mountain morning run. By mountain morning run, I mean a run where it is quite cool and all you ever seem to do is run uphill.
A smiled crossed my face as I reminisced events over the past summer and year until now (yes, even the horrid time it took to get to Scotland). I thought about how all of those moments have brought me to this present one and how God has continued to provide and remain faithful.
After a long while, I returned to my flat in a sweaty mess, made some breakfast and got ready for the day. In thinking about what I wanted to do for the day I decided I was going to walk to Calton Hill, sit, enjoy the view, and have some quiet time for a bit. I made my way up to the top where you can get an incredible view of the entire city, found a bench, and sat. As I took a deep breathe and looked around I found my eyes filling with tears. I suddenly wiped away the stains on my cheeks when I realized that there were numerous tourist also enjoying the view walking my way. After they had passed, I took another deep breathe. Even though the view was beautiful, I couldn't help but picture the meadow at Christikon with the wildflowers, water and mountains in the distance surrounding me on that hill. A familiar sense of calm rushed over me and I realized that the song Seasons of Love from the Broadway musical Rent had entered my head. (lyrics above) Again, tears filled my eyes and I sat, letting them flow down my face. I can't tell you whether they were sad or happy tears. Perhaps they were both. Regardless of why I was crying, I knew it was because I feeling a whole lot of emotion. My past experience has told me that whether I'm sad, mad, or happy, I cry. That is just how my body expresses itself.
With Seasons of Love running through my head, I thought about the year ahead. You see, tomorrow is my 23rd birthday. Yes, my golden birthday in fact. I thought about how I was, in fact, going to experience a year in the life. Would it be through time at the hostel, people, or through my flatmates? Yes. Would it be through Skyping with loved ones back home, exploring the sights of Edinburgh, and seeing my YAGM friends at Time For God conferences? Yes. Would it be through looking like an idiot while trying to understand a thick Scottish accent, learning about how alcohol, drugs, and homelessness can impact a person's life, or longing for a round of sharing the peace with my Christikon family? Yes. Yes, I would be experiencing a year in the life through all these things and more. Really, I had already experienced all these things and have been humbled on a daily basis. You see, I think the tears come from experiencing some emotion telling me, "Amanda, your 23rd year of life will be full." Full of love and sorrow and challenge.
Over the past week and a half or so, I have found this particular song, Seasons of Love, to be very true. Though, I'm new, I've slowly been learning how things work at the hostel. I've slowly been learning the names of the residents there and getting to know them for who they are rather than for addictions and labels that cover them. In times when I find myself overcome with loneliness and missing ones I love so much it hurts, someone from work reaches out and invites me to play badminton or go to a pub to watch the Manchester United football game. And when the staff at work found out it was my birthday, they invited me to a house warming party as well as my volunteer coordinator invited me to her house for supper as it is also her daughter's birthday. These people are full of love, here.
So as I enter my 23rd year of life I find myself caught up all that life has to offer. I find myself trying to spend it the best way that I know how: through love and relationship. Just a week and a half has taught me so much already and I can only imagine what God has in store for the rest. Already, I have realized that relationship is mostly what matters in this life. None of the work at the hostel is worth it without the trust and companionship of a relationship. Already, I have been shown greatly what it means to be together. In this season of love, I find that familiar sense of hope and relationship that I have also felt at Christikon or with my family or at Concordia. What a lucky girl I am to have something so good to miss and something to good to be with. So whether I'm having a cup of coffee or tea with someone or am cleaning a flat at work, may I remember what I'm measuring this year in.
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