Peace: a much needed reminder.

It's a funny thing when you realize what you're missing. I don't mean missing from your pocket or that there is some event going on and you're not there. What I'm talking about is a hole within you; A sense of loss.

For me, recently, I've been missing peace. With all the hustle and bustle of life and it's many ups and downs, I've realized that I've forgotten to take time to just be. It's hilarious to me because it's like God's been screaming this at me for the past week. I had a conversation over dinner about quiet time and no technology. Then on Sunday at SN@C the message talked about the very same thing. Ironically, with the same person giving the message as the one within the conversation. Funny how God does that.

Sunday was a strange day for me. In all honesty, I didn't know that something was wrong until at SN@C. From the outside, I seemed happy and calm while underneath I found myself in turmoil. Not many of you know (unless you read an earlier blog of mine) that I lost a ton of weight in my past as well as dealt with the beginnings of an eating disorder. Well, it may sound crazy or silly or something, but when you're in the midst of the obsession of losing weight it's like you begin to hear these voices saying, "Keep going. Don't eat! Don't overdo it or you'll feel so guilty!" They're haunting. And they're easy to get caught up in. Well, I hadn't heard them in....years, really. Until Sunday. Yes, I work out 5 days a week to keep off the weight and relieve stress, but I do eat regularly. Sunday was just stressful and I hadn't eaten in hours due to business and forgetfulness. That's when I got the urge to keep going. I quickly turned the voices off and told myself not to listen. Then along with that I realized that day that I missed my family and was feeling the ache of not being in the mountains or around my mountain family. So having those thoughts come from out of nowhere sort of terrified me. And I felt anything, but peaceful.
That is not me. I don't starve myself anymore. Life is for living. Plus, I've got Jesus and He gives me plenty of reasons to not keep with that lifestyle. 

So back to SN@C...when the message was being given, it was talking about peace. All of a sudden my brain brought up the picture of Christikon's meadow. Holy crap! I instantly felt such a calm. This----> is THE meadow. Now, the daisies only come later in the summer and throughout the summer wild flowers grow and change. You can look down the Absaroka- Beartooth valley as well as hear the Boulder River rumbling on. It is my peace. This is where a piece of my soul resides. I could sit here for hours down by the prayer trees and watch the wildlife run through and the breeze go through the tall grass. This is where I spent quite time and had many sweet chats with my mountain family.

I left SN@C feeling so incredibly thankful for that message and for the reminder that I need to take time to sit like I did in the meadow. I've been missing peace in the midst of school, work and extra-curriculars. A midst all the scary things of the day I instantly felt as though I could conquer them continually and felt God right by my side.

This is my goal now: to bring peace back to my life. I encourage the same. I'm so thankful God screamed at me through a friend and got into my stubborn head. I don't want to get lost in the hustle and bustle of life. I want to be able to make time to just sit and be...